.......................................................................

Numb. Dazed. Unfeeling. Emotionless.
You think things cant get any worse because you are a fat person living in a society where only thin people are successful.
Then someone you were once really close to dies.


How selfish and selfabsorbed have i been? Lying here for days on end in bed pitying myself for being so fat and ugly. Wasting away my life feeling sorry for myself when there is so much tragedy in this world.

I dont have anything to say. Im emotionally exhausted. I feel like... i dont know. I think ive stopped feeling.

I just want to go to sleep and only wake up when im thin. But that makes me feel so guilty. Im alive. I should be making the most of it when i have such an amazing life. But im fat. And nothing else matters. And the fact im aware of how stupid that is just makes it worse. The constant feelings of guilt, for being so pathetic and selfish and selfpitying. That guilt just fuels my lack of appetite.

If i was thin, nothing would hurt.

RIP xxx